Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
