Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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