I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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