i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
