it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
