Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
