you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
