don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
