lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
