it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
