the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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