The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
