I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
