Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
