You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
