the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
