She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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