I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
