Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
