i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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