OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
