So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
