dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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