Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
