I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
