Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
