rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
