dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
