it was like his penis was on wheels.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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