My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
