i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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