brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
