u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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