omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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