So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
