My room smells like vodka and shame
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
