The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
