If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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