so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
