I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
