just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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