i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
