No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
