god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
