cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
