I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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