so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
