your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
