I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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