Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
