Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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