Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This toilet bowl is my home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
