are you so shy because you have an std?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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