Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
